A Box to Fill Up

Once in this room, one afternoon
While rain water dripped at the window glass

And the room was deprived of daylight
I kept peering at the ceiling for no reason

Signs of you were in its every corner-
That small picture frame that kept your smile

Those piles of magazines you asked me
To buy regularly

That graffiti you wrote on the wall
With your lipstick

And the laptop full of logs
Of our chat when I was away

Today at 36 degrees Centigrade, I've got a box
I can't get myself to start filling up

-Resty Rivera

Insecurities

I get it at the worst of times
The feeling in the pit of my stomach
Where my insides feel like they're falling
Down a bottomless tunnel
And there's no end in sight.
I can feel a pain
Pulling from behind my eyes
Sucking in the color from my face,
The words in my mouth,
The saliva on my tongue,
And then my hands go numb.
I could sit there for hours
Just destroying my mind
With the fatal thouhts I create
And the stab-wound feeling that comes along with them.
I wish I were good at art.
To be able to get my heartache out through color,
To feel my emotions spill onto a blank canvas
Is something I never mastered,
But always respected
Cause when there is nothing left for me to say,
When words just don't add up,
I wish I could unlock the bottle inside me
Instead of laying wide awake at night
wishing on the shooting stars across my ceiling
For morning to come again soon
So I can start all over.
But I can never start all over.
My stomachnjs alwAys in knots
And my leg won't stop shaking
Cause I can't keep this nervousness inside
Cause when my head is pounding
And my heart is in my throat
That's when I need to leave my pain behind.
And I set all the clocks to read 11:11
Before I go to sleep every night
Just to wish one more time

I'm 5 Years Old Again

I'm five years old again

Sweet and innocent

Shy and considerate

I'm hiding behind my mother's leg

So no one can see me

And I still sleep with my closet shut,

But she scares my ghosts away.

Makes them swear to leave this town for good

And if they don't

They'll be sorry

Cause she is some kind of magic.

And I know I swore to never believe in magic

But this girl stitched my wings back together

And made my heart fly

Without saying a single word.

If that's not magic

I don't know what is...

Maybe I just believe in her

Cause this girl could melt my heart

In the middle of a snow storm.

She could tell me the world will flood at any moment

And the next day you'd see me with a snorkel on

And water wings

Cause all I want to do is believe her.

When I see her

My stomach grows butterflies

My knees go weak

And my hands start trembling

And I'm back in the third grade

Sitting next to Joey Perricone

When he slips me a note

Asking me to be his girlfriend.

My face burned red with elementary school passion

And I wrote "yes" so hard

I nearly broke his pencil.

She makes me wanna break my pencils.

She makes me wanna stick my head out the passenger seat window

While she's driving 50 miles per hour

With the wind slapping my face

Cause that's how my heart feels when I'm with her

Like it's beating too fast for my body

And it needs to be let out!

Is that okay?

Is it also okay to say I want her wearing my heart like a ring

Wrapping it around her body to take the shape of hers?

So when I go to bed at night

I wanna know she'll be there in the morning

Cause I don't wanna wake up without her.