Insecurities

I get it at the worst of times
The feeling in the pit of my stomach
Where my insides feel like they're falling
Down a bottomless tunnel
And there's no end in sight.
I can feel a pain
Pulling from behind my eyes
Sucking in the color from my face,
The words in my mouth,
The saliva on my tongue,
And then my hands go numb.
I could sit there for hours
Just destroying my mind
With the fatal thouhts I create
And the stab-wound feeling that comes along with them.
I wish I were good at art.
To be able to get my heartache out through color,
To feel my emotions spill onto a blank canvas
Is something I never mastered,
But always respected
Cause when there is nothing left for me to say,
When words just don't add up,
I wish I could unlock the bottle inside me
Instead of laying wide awake at night
wishing on the shooting stars across my ceiling
For morning to come again soon
So I can start all over.
But I can never start all over.
My stomachnjs alwAys in knots
And my leg won't stop shaking
Cause I can't keep this nervousness inside
Cause when my head is pounding
And my heart is in my throat
That's when I need to leave my pain behind.
And I set all the clocks to read 11:11
Before I go to sleep every night
Just to wish one more time