Rockstar

When I was a kid I dreamed of becoming a rockstar, would wear my hair in the stylish trends, cut my own bangs and sang till my lungs would burn. I never learned how to play guitar but my dreams of going far never fell. In the third grade my friends John, Erica and I tried out for the school talent show, we practiced for weeks on end and when our time came... We choked. I woke 8 years later with the joke of my childhood someonewhere gone but life is full of regrets. I'm willing to bet that if I went to get my dreams my life would be set but instead I met a girl who turned my world around my life is upside down and she may be more rocks and stars than rockstars but I'm letting go and opening up like singing the sweetest notes I've ever sung. Her body tattoos mine in a design that sends chills down my spine and I'm covered in ink and I think she's the link to my heart beat. Fast forward 3 months, I'm playing on her phone till my hand slipped and I brick-broke her heart. Game over. High score for being the biggest jerk to play the game. People say we're in a drought but it you could see the tears falling down my face you'd change your mind. I'll lock them up and put them on ice and set them free in the valley like my spirit is when I'm with her, but my knife's in the closet and my veins were buldging up like teeth in gums but I'd rather stay numb 'cause eventually she'll melt my heart like she did the first day I met her and I was happy I was a daughter because at least I had a chance, being a girl, or at least something close, was all I had going for me and she taught me better than to carve lettersin my skin but my hope is wearing thin 'cause we've been wrong I wanna be gone from this place and erase the hate away from their words they only serve to bore my mind so I ignore the static but she's sore from yelling I wish I cuold give more but I can't. I'll keep their words like hate notes in my pocket so we can pretend they aren't there and fold them the way my brain did the morning I woke up to realize she really wasnt there the scare inside me left me empty and bare and the leaves are falling like she left I'm falling, let me breathe her in, her cologne fills my nose like a lifeline, the skyline's burning and I'm yearning for something to come out right. Staple my mouth shut, sew my lips together with the yarn from her sweater so I can feel her everytime she moves, I wanna move like shadows from the sun, but it's getting colder and she's bolder than I am and I'm back in third grade with a knot in my throat scared to death to stumble, fumble my words around till I make no sense there's no sense or method to my madness but I always make it through. She does too. And I know sometimes I make her feel like ripper out her hair one by one because that would be more fun than talking to me and she gives the best hugs. I do too, but she's better. And sometimes she makes me feel like my mother but remember what she said was her favorite color? It's times like those when we both know why we're here. And I've been skipping days like skiping rocks to the heart beat I forgot I had, if I could retrace my steps and rewind what I said maybe I wouldn't have thios constant aching in my head, I dread the words that'll cage me in the future my stupid mouth always gets bigger the only thing I can guarantee is that I'll hutr her again in voluntarily trying to speak my mind so I apologize in advance, If I seem to dance around my words there's a chance I'm biding my time till something right comes out. So bare with me. 'Cause I may not be perfect but I never claimed to be, And she worries, like I worry when she drives too fast in the rain. So I'll be wishing on the stars in my ceiling, brightening up my room, for the morning to come back soon.