Maybe I Need You

Maybe I need you
In this life I'm leading
To keep me from misreading
The signs you're giving off
Are yanking me everywhere
And I swear
This is getting hard to bare
But I try not to wear
Every emotion on my face
But at this pace
I'll run out of ink
To draw on the smiles
And I'm miles away from home
With no sense of direction
So maybe I need your protection
'Cause the security of you
Is the closes thing to perfection
That I'll ever know
Maybe I need you
Like a kite needs the wind to blow
Like cookies need milk
Like a clock needs its hands
My hands are getting lonely
And cold
I told them to be patient
That yours will come back soon
But even I know that's not assured
But I've endured
This much already
Inured by your games
That I choose to wait
I won't date another
I'm relying on fate
To create the spark we need
To light our lives on fire
Maybe I need you
To inspire your heart to tell your mind to shut up
To stop teasing your feelings
'Cause I know the strings of your heart
Are playing the soundtracks to our life
But you hafta sing the lyrics
Before the songs can end
I don't want this to be our end
If I could mend the broken words
Defend against the haters
I would find the greater good
In this mess
And express, confess, or
Empty my pink heart into your white paint
Because if I didn't know any better
I'd swear you were my Saint
Maybe I Need You

5th Grade I Felt It

5th grade is when I felt it

8th grade I denied it

I was 15 when I met my first

And 16 when they kicked me out

I chopped my hair off in 10th grade

Mohawked it through 11th

In our 2nd month we got a puppy

During our 6th I got a call

At 17 I felt my first heartbreak

When we said "Forever"...

Lonelieness

Loneliness
is a human condition-
Cultivate it.
It tunnels into you, allows your soul room to grow.
Never expect to outgrow loneliness,
or hope to find someone who will understand you,
to fill that space.
If you expect to find people who understand you,
you will grow murderous with disappointment.
The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself,
know what it is that you want,
and not let the cattle stand in your way.

Half The Time

Half the time I wake to a cold sweat and my stomach clenched like a life line I can't let go of my alarm goes off and a panic washes over my body. I'm the only one who has to wake up to have a nightmare. I watch myself step by step like a phony horror film, do you know how hard it is to watch my very own slaughter? Most people would keep themselves awake at night but it's my reality, my saving grace is when I fall asleep if I could swap my days for my nights, my fears for my dreams... there I go again.. Wishin' and hopin' that time could stand still that my feelings could stand still that the words racin' and pacin' through my head could stand still! The other night I dreamt I had insomnia, I woke up exhausted yet too well rested to go back to sleep and it goes like this, every day is blurred together, the only things I can remember are the days back in December, (The 27th to be exact) that's when my heart was fully intact but knowing me I lacked the ability to react the right way and she cracked and fell away and to this day I still regret all the feelings that I kept inside of my locked chest you were the best thing that's ever happened and she said that "shit happens" but those are only lyrics to a song I gotta keep strong and keep truggin' along if I want you to see that you and I belong. Fuck.

I wear you like a badge of honor

I wear you like a badge of honor
So that I never forget
How it felt
To call you mine
I've sewn you to my jacket
I've ironed you to my sleeve
So I can feel you every time
I reach for something I need
You're my battle scar
From the nights I've stared
Hazy eyed at my ceiling
Counting the stars on my walls
Instead of the scars of my conscious
From the times I've tried fighting
The war inside your head
To save you from the hurt
That I feel every time we touch
You're the scar that impresses most
But leaves no room for discussion
You're a story wating to be told
But I can't figure out the ending
Because I'm just the reader
Trying to predict what will happen next
While you're the author
With confusion scribbled through your thoughts
And a deadline you havent met
But I'm still here
Reading you the best I can
And I stumble on words from time to time
But I won't stop reading
I can't put your book down
And it's draining me
Look at me, I'm dying
Your words suffocate my dreams
To the point of sleepless nights
But I'd rather you be on my mind
Than on someone else's
And I know we'll be fine
Because I don't like to waste time
And I hardly consider you a waste of mine
So hold on tightly
And close your eyes
And I promise you our ending
Will be a great surprise

The Little Things

This sleepy town awakened my insides. The down pour washed away my naivity and cleansed my body from the pungent smell of weeks old indeceisiveness and the smoke taht had filled my head. The beauty of nature versus the constant headache of construction. Me: Using the stars and the moon as night lights; You: Under the heavy smog from inter-state highways and oraneg lights from the city. The distance between these two states are the same as of you and I. Though it feels far greater than 3,000 miles. I'm coming back now, disgusted at the life I lead at home, jealous of the few days I spent living here. The differences in diction, in time, in weather, are the differences you wouldn't believe helped heal my mind and heartache. The thorn you thrust into my side is just a minor inconvenience now that I've learned to see clearly. The once painful words of "let's just be friends", dousn't phase me like it used to because I know your phase will be over. Your search to end your confusion will cease. Maybe somewhere in this sleepy town is teh cure for all heartache. Somewhere lost in the hallways or covered beneath the snow are the answers I'm looking for; the reasons for this maddness that hides deep within my soul. I don't know. But I'm not afraid to find out. Maybe one day I'll share this with you.. Maybe then you could see what I mean when I say that "I Miss You".

I hate that you don't love me anymore

I hate seperating your clothes from mine because you don't stay here anymore

I hate putting your items in a box and not on my shelves

I hate sleeping and holding my stuffed animals instead of you

I hate missing you and not seeing you

I hate that when you think of the good times, you get angry

I hate that no matter how hard I try to prove to you things will be different, you still don't want me

I hate that you seem happier with out me

I hate that you don't love me anymore