Bake a wedding cake.
Step on it.
Frost the living room floor with your dancing feet.
Lock the front door.
Close the blinds.
Lick the floorboards.
8/31/2009
8/26/2009
This is garbage
There's a voice inside me
That screams through my bones
It sends chills down my spine
It takes over my mind
Saying
"I love you!"
"Please Come back!"
"My body is numb.."
"You have what I lack!"
Nobody can hear it
I walk around like it's not there
I'm constantly looking over my shoulder
My body is getting colder
You had my life in your hands
My soul, my mind, my heart
The art of healing
And dealing with this anguish
Is like a different language
That I don't want to learn
I'd rather burn through my skin
Than turn and 'take it on the chin'
Right now I'm walking through hell
Making friends with the Devil
Just to pass the time
The climb is killing me
With every step I take
I start to sublime
Until there's nothing left of me to hold
And you may think this is a game
That I'm just some name
An old flame that never got the spark
To start a fire
At night I'm wired
Supposed to be tired but I'm awake
I shake; my stomach aches
I'm trying everything not to break
Because you don't know what you do to me!
You don't care how I feel
Or if I heal
You don't hafta deal with me
But I would tear my heart out
If you said you'd be impressed
And that's the difference between us
My nerves go wild everytime you call
My stomach knots over nothing at all
I wanna say FUCK YOU
Because I still LOVE YOU
I'm tired of writing this trash
That these people think they know
It's getting slow around here
I haven't seen your face in this place
For weeks
I may be sad but no part of me is weak
Except for my knees when you're around
I'm what you've always wanted
I'm what the other girls all promised!
But they would fly away
You'll never lose me to the wind
If you would just listen to me
Hear my cries in the lines I write
My silence on the phone
Speaks volumes
But you can't hear it
So it echoes through my chest
I guess this is just another test...
That screams through my bones
It sends chills down my spine
It takes over my mind
Saying
"I love you!"
"Please Come back!"
"My body is numb.."
"You have what I lack!"
Nobody can hear it
I walk around like it's not there
I'm constantly looking over my shoulder
My body is getting colder
You had my life in your hands
My soul, my mind, my heart
The art of healing
And dealing with this anguish
Is like a different language
That I don't want to learn
I'd rather burn through my skin
Than turn and 'take it on the chin'
Right now I'm walking through hell
Making friends with the Devil
Just to pass the time
The climb is killing me
With every step I take
I start to sublime
Until there's nothing left of me to hold
And you may think this is a game
That I'm just some name
An old flame that never got the spark
To start a fire
At night I'm wired
Supposed to be tired but I'm awake
I shake; my stomach aches
I'm trying everything not to break
Because you don't know what you do to me!
You don't care how I feel
Or if I heal
You don't hafta deal with me
But I would tear my heart out
If you said you'd be impressed
And that's the difference between us
My nerves go wild everytime you call
My stomach knots over nothing at all
I wanna say FUCK YOU
Because I still LOVE YOU
I'm tired of writing this trash
That these people think they know
It's getting slow around here
I haven't seen your face in this place
For weeks
I may be sad but no part of me is weak
Except for my knees when you're around
I'm what you've always wanted
I'm what the other girls all promised!
But they would fly away
You'll never lose me to the wind
If you would just listen to me
Hear my cries in the lines I write
My silence on the phone
Speaks volumes
But you can't hear it
So it echoes through my chest
I guess this is just another test...
8/24/2009
Dear Book
Dear book,
This is another day in my life.
A life is like a book.
A book is like a box.
A box has six sides.
Inside and outside,
So,
How do you get to what's inside?
How do you get what's inside, out?
You don't have to be somebody. Because I know that being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway.
You don't have to be somebody. Because I know that being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway.
8/17/2009
It's 10pm
It's 10pm and I'm drinking coffee
With 7 pieces of ice
A green straw
And the "have a good night"
Still ringing in my ears from the
Late night shift barista
I turn off my phone
Because I know whoever is texting me won't be you
And what's the point of getting my hopes up?
I stack the odds against me
So that just in case it works out
I can believe in miracles
I sat outside and found a penny on the sidewalk
It was face down so I chucked it across the street
So some kid can find it face up and make a wish
While I change the time on my watch to read
11:11 pm
Hoping to find a way to stop my heart
From feeling so worn down and exhausted
I keep tellin' myself I'm movin' on
But my feet keep stumblin'
I'm fumblin' around for the right words
Hope this coffee keeps me sane
Temporarily at least
Until I get back home
Where ever home seems to be...
With 7 pieces of ice
A green straw
And the "have a good night"
Still ringing in my ears from the
Late night shift barista
I turn off my phone
Because I know whoever is texting me won't be you
And what's the point of getting my hopes up?
I stack the odds against me
So that just in case it works out
I can believe in miracles
I sat outside and found a penny on the sidewalk
It was face down so I chucked it across the street
So some kid can find it face up and make a wish
While I change the time on my watch to read
11:11 pm
Hoping to find a way to stop my heart
From feeling so worn down and exhausted
I keep tellin' myself I'm movin' on
But my feet keep stumblin'
I'm fumblin' around for the right words
Hope this coffee keeps me sane
Temporarily at least
Until I get back home
Where ever home seems to be...
8/15/2009
You Don't Even See
You don't see what you do
To me everytime you chew
Me up and spit me out
It doesn't matter how much I scream
Or shout
And I doubt
You even care
If we repair the tear
I wear on my heart
Because whenever we're apart
I don't hear from you for days
Or weeks
But when we speak
I have nothing to say
Because the things inside
Are the things I have to hide
I've tried to open up
I've cried through the nights
I wish I could right this tonight
But with every word I say
Pushes you farther and farther away
To me everytime you chew
Me up and spit me out
It doesn't matter how much I scream
Or shout
And I doubt
You even care
If we repair the tear
I wear on my heart
Because whenever we're apart
I don't hear from you for days
Or weeks
But when we speak
I have nothing to say
Because the things inside
Are the things I have to hide
I've tried to open up
I've cried through the nights
I wish I could right this tonight
But with every word I say
Pushes you farther and farther away
8/13/2009
You Had Time - Ani DiFranco
I changes the pronouns slightly. All the "I'll, and I"s used to be "you'll and you"s and vise versa. I changed it to fit my life right now.
how can you come home
with nothing to say
You know I'm going to look at you that way
and say" what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time"
I am a china shop
and you are a bull
I am really good food
and you are full
I guess everything is timing
I guess everything's been said
so you are coming home with an empty head
I'll say "did they love you or what?"
You'll say "they love what I do,
the only one who really loves me is you"
and I'll say "girl did you kick some butt?"
and you'll say "I don't really remember,
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too"
I'll say "it's really good to see you"
I'll say "I missed you horribly"
I'll say "let me carry that,
give that to me"
and I will take the heavy stuff
and I will drive the car
and you'll look out the window making jokes
about the way things are
how can you come home
with nothing to say
You know I'm going to look at you that way
and say "what did you do out there,
and what did you decide?
you said you needed time
and you had time"
how can you come home
with nothing to say
You know I'm going to look at you that way
and say" what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time"
I am a china shop
and you are a bull
I am really good food
and you are full
I guess everything is timing
I guess everything's been said
so you are coming home with an empty head
I'll say "did they love you or what?"
You'll say "they love what I do,
the only one who really loves me is you"
and I'll say "girl did you kick some butt?"
and you'll say "I don't really remember,
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too"
I'll say "it's really good to see you"
I'll say "I missed you horribly"
I'll say "let me carry that,
give that to me"
and I will take the heavy stuff
and I will drive the car
and you'll look out the window making jokes
about the way things are
how can you come home
with nothing to say
You know I'm going to look at you that way
and say "what did you do out there,
and what did you decide?
you said you needed time
and you had time"
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You - Colin Hay
I drink a coffee every morning
It comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is if I lived 'til I was one-hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived 'til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even, even after all these years
And if I lived 'til I was one-hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...
It comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is if I lived 'til I was one-hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived 'til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even, even after all these years
And if I lived 'til I was one-hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...
8/10/2009
I'm comfortable with a pen in my hand
I'm comfortable with a pen in my hand
I know what I'm doing
Even when I don't
The words I write will put
The pieces together
Describing the things they thought were
Unimaginable
My pen is my constant
When the world is falling to the ground
All around me
And everyone has run away
I'll write my story in the debris
Uncover the beauty they failed to see
In this city of disaster
And in the monster they made of me
But all the times they laughed
And walked out of my door
And all the times they crushed me
And pretended to love me like before
Were the moments I never realized
Or idealized
The art
Of breaking hearts
They had the style and they had the grace
And the ability to lie to my face
And erase me from their past
They knew how to cast their guilt away
Because you can only miss something you remeber
You had
I was so naive
But they taught me how to breathe
And to leave my heart in my chest
Instead of my sleeve
They're the girls who betrayed
They're the girls who never stayed
They stray'd away from the paths
We set in our minds
But I blame them; And I thank them
For throwin' me out
Cause they taught me tact
And how not to act
And sometimes I cracked
And it was hard to go back
To the uncomfortability of love
I fell into my monsterous ways
And I would shove my feelings
Like a pill down my throat
By when I wrote
I would write my wrongs
In order to right my wrongs
But baby we were intertwined
I was too blind to find the right state of mind
But maybe some things are never meant to be defined
Because the best part of me
Was always you
And I don't know what that means
But please...
Will you think of me?
I know what I'm doing
Even when I don't
The words I write will put
The pieces together
Describing the things they thought were
Unimaginable
My pen is my constant
When the world is falling to the ground
All around me
And everyone has run away
I'll write my story in the debris
Uncover the beauty they failed to see
In this city of disaster
And in the monster they made of me
But all the times they laughed
And walked out of my door
And all the times they crushed me
And pretended to love me like before
Were the moments I never realized
Or idealized
The art
Of breaking hearts
They had the style and they had the grace
And the ability to lie to my face
And erase me from their past
They knew how to cast their guilt away
Because you can only miss something you remeber
You had
I was so naive
But they taught me how to breathe
And to leave my heart in my chest
Instead of my sleeve
They're the girls who betrayed
They're the girls who never stayed
They stray'd away from the paths
We set in our minds
But I blame them; And I thank them
For throwin' me out
Cause they taught me tact
And how not to act
And sometimes I cracked
And it was hard to go back
To the uncomfortability of love
I fell into my monsterous ways
And I would shove my feelings
Like a pill down my throat
By when I wrote
I would write my wrongs
In order to right my wrongs
But baby we were intertwined
I was too blind to find the right state of mind
But maybe some things are never meant to be defined
Because the best part of me
Was always you
And I don't know what that means
But please...
Will you think of me?
8/07/2009
I Thought I Would Get Mad
I thought I would get mad, angry, pissed, anything! But I'm not. I thought I would never speak to you again, I thought I would cuss and fight! But I didn't. I can't because it's not your fault! It's not your fault and I've known that from the beginning! What made it so easy for me to get over other girls and move on to the next was because they messed up. I could use their mistakes as an exit strategy and I wouldn't feel anything! I guess at some point it had to stop. At some point I had to learn that that's not the way you treat the ppl you date. But why couldn't it have come a little earlier so that you wouldn't be my lesson? My example! Nothing but guilt and regret fill my mind. I can't feel anything else because when I look at you, or think of you, my stomach feels like it's sinking and my chest starts to hurt.
That's not to say I didn't try my hardest. For a month and a half all I did was try. Key word: Try. I guess at the end of the day that's all you really can do. It was too late. But better late than never, right? I had never been so committed to anybody before. Again, it was too late. But at least now I know that I'm capable of it. I'm not as bad as I thought I was =] I showed you a side that literally no one had ever seen before and it was worth it to me. You were worth it to me! But that's not what counts. It takes two. And I was the part that destroyed us... But I could've been the part that put us back together.
You said it doesn't feel like it used to. Nothing will ever feel like it did when it first began! The first six weeks of a relationship is the "honeymoon" stage. After that, you're just "together" and that's what the relationship is really about. Being together even if it's not always perfect. We were by no means perfect, and I didn't necessarily help either.. But I could have been your forever. I could have been your happy ending.
Someday we'll be together. I know it because no one else has an affect on me like you do. Someday.
That's not to say I didn't try my hardest. For a month and a half all I did was try. Key word: Try. I guess at the end of the day that's all you really can do. It was too late. But better late than never, right? I had never been so committed to anybody before. Again, it was too late. But at least now I know that I'm capable of it. I'm not as bad as I thought I was =] I showed you a side that literally no one had ever seen before and it was worth it to me. You were worth it to me! But that's not what counts. It takes two. And I was the part that destroyed us... But I could've been the part that put us back together.
You said it doesn't feel like it used to. Nothing will ever feel like it did when it first began! The first six weeks of a relationship is the "honeymoon" stage. After that, you're just "together" and that's what the relationship is really about. Being together even if it's not always perfect. We were by no means perfect, and I didn't necessarily help either.. But I could have been your forever. I could have been your happy ending.
Someday we'll be together. I know it because no one else has an affect on me like you do. Someday.
8/03/2009
Perfect//Rosemary and Sage
PERFECT
The picture is taken and its perfect
Just like the one before
It's perfect
Just perfect
And of course their families are perfect
They'll soon be husbands and wives
Perfect
Just perfect
Everything is okay, everythings alright
Just as long as I get to sleep through the night
Everything is bad, everything's not good
I should be speakin my emotions like I know I could
Their faces are made out of porcilain
They're the subject to the change of tocsin
Or contortions
And while they're insides are still weeping
Their faces go on change of sleeping
Just sleeping
Everythign is okay, everything is alright
Just as long as I get to sleep through the night
Everything is all bad, everything's not good
I should be speaking my emotions like I know I could
So to you perfect girls I have a message:
You gotta show your life truthfully even through the rough edges
And even if you have to say something that may not be acceptable
To your clan or your click or who your with
Just say it anyway
listen to your heart
listen to your heart
ROSEMARY AND SAGE
Hey its just you and me
Picture in your mind
Something I've never felt
I've always wanted to be
So why dont we open up the door
I know its hard
Dont you wonder what we'll explore
Maybe something more
Can't we just turn a brand new page
I know we can
It'll be like fresh rosemary and sage
If you would hold my hand
Hey girl its just you and me
Don't you think this could be
Where we start to contemplate
We could be planting a seed
Why dont we open up the door
I know its hard
Don't you wonder what we'll explore
Maybe something more
Cant we just turn a brand new page
I know we can
It'll be like fresh rosemary and sage
If you would hold my hand
complements to DANIEL
The picture is taken and its perfect
Just like the one before
It's perfect
Just perfect
And of course their families are perfect
They'll soon be husbands and wives
Perfect
Just perfect
Everything is okay, everythings alright
Just as long as I get to sleep through the night
Everything is bad, everything's not good
I should be speakin my emotions like I know I could
Their faces are made out of porcilain
They're the subject to the change of tocsin
Or contortions
And while they're insides are still weeping
Their faces go on change of sleeping
Just sleeping
Everythign is okay, everything is alright
Just as long as I get to sleep through the night
Everything is all bad, everything's not good
I should be speaking my emotions like I know I could
So to you perfect girls I have a message:
You gotta show your life truthfully even through the rough edges
And even if you have to say something that may not be acceptable
To your clan or your click or who your with
Just say it anyway
listen to your heart
listen to your heart
ROSEMARY AND SAGE
Hey its just you and me
Picture in your mind
Something I've never felt
I've always wanted to be
So why dont we open up the door
I know its hard
Dont you wonder what we'll explore
Maybe something more
Can't we just turn a brand new page
I know we can
It'll be like fresh rosemary and sage
If you would hold my hand
Hey girl its just you and me
Don't you think this could be
Where we start to contemplate
We could be planting a seed
Why dont we open up the door
I know its hard
Don't you wonder what we'll explore
Maybe something more
Cant we just turn a brand new page
I know we can
It'll be like fresh rosemary and sage
If you would hold my hand
complements to DANIEL
8/01/2009
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