I Thought I Would Get Mad

I thought I would get mad, angry, pissed, anything! But I'm not. I thought I would never speak to you again, I thought I would cuss and fight! But I didn't. I can't because it's not your fault! It's not your fault and I've known that from the beginning! What made it so easy for me to get over other girls and move on to the next was because they messed up. I could use their mistakes as an exit strategy and I wouldn't feel anything! I guess at some point it had to stop. At some point I had to learn that that's not the way you treat the ppl you date. But why couldn't it have come a little earlier so that you wouldn't be my lesson? My example! Nothing but guilt and regret fill my mind. I can't feel anything else because when I look at you, or think of you, my stomach feels like it's sinking and my chest starts to hurt.

That's not to say I didn't try my hardest. For a month and a half all I did was try. Key word: Try. I guess at the end of the day that's all you really can do. It was too late. But better late than never, right? I had never been so committed to anybody before. Again, it was too late. But at least now I know that I'm capable of it. I'm not as bad as I thought I was =] I showed you a side that literally no one had ever seen before and it was worth it to me. You were worth it to me! But that's not what counts. It takes two. And I was the part that destroyed us... But I could've been the part that put us back together.

You said it doesn't feel like it used to. Nothing will ever feel like it did when it first began! The first six weeks of a relationship is the "honeymoon" stage. After that, you're just "together" and that's what the relationship is really about. Being together even if it's not always perfect. We were by no means perfect, and I didn't necessarily help either.. But I could have been your forever. I could have been your happy ending.

Someday we'll be together. I know it because no one else has an affect on me like you do. Someday.