Dear Darrell

Dear Darrell,

Where are you? Basketball season is starting again and it's finally my senior year. I hate playing basketball lately. Instead of it being enjoyable and fun, it's become something I dread doing. It's almost like a chore. If you were here, it'd be so different. I'd be itching for the season to start! I'd still keep in touch with DJ, Dustin, Trish and Austin. It was hard to play AAU this year. DJ has adopted so many subtle characteristics that you used to do... It was hard making it through the practices. I regret everyday not transferring after my sophomore year. I'm sorry! I remember you told me at the beginning of my sophomore year that you would have pulled Trish outta Miramonte if that same situation had happened. I tried though. It was just never an option with my parents. I hate going to Wagner Ranch. I can't stand walking into the Miramonte gym. I can't deal with everyone telling me that I need to get over what happened! That you're not coming back! These coaches aren't you! How can I have respect for someone who has YOUR job? I can't even take them seriously half the time. I miss you, Darrell.

I need you so much right now. I had a rough summer, D. I didn't play basketball the entire month of July, and half of August. Mentally and emotionally I just wasn't able to commit myself to it. I wish I had though. I would have rather gone through any sort of physical pain that may have come with basketball than put up with the pain I've felt for the past three months. I'm heart-broken. God damn, I wish you were right by me right now. I'm pathetic; I can't keep myself from crying as I write this letter. I remember after I got kicked outta my mom's house you told me: "Lauren, I've dealt with over 100 girls in the past 10 years I've been coaching, and I have three kids. You can talk to me about anything". It's so true! That's what I'm trying to do right now but I can't seem to make any sense. Darrel, this girl that I'm heartbroken over is the girl of my dreams. She's better than my dreams... She's real. I had her. I every bit of her and I let it all go! I had the world in my arms and I completely dropped it. I know you would say that I'm young and there are plenty other girls out there, but think back to you and theresa! When you were in high school just starting to date. Did you ever think you guys weren't gonna make it? 40 years later you two were still going strong. That's what I wanted. That's what I had planned and I took it all for granted.

Darrell I need you. Come back! In December it will be a year that's past since your death. It doesn't seem that long ago. I think about you every day, and what you would say or do in the certain situations I find myself in. I love you, D.

Rest In Paradise,
Lauren