Ten Years Erased

Ten years and you're gone
It didn't take long
You've withdrawn from my world
ALl my plans won't unfurl
So I drag my teeth on pearls
To keep from biting through my tongue
I may have made mistakes
But I was young
You don't know how badly your words stung
We just begun but you chose to run
Where the hell was your effort?
You never even called
I don't get it
I admit it:
I miss you all the time
But it's like a fucking crime
To mention you around the house
So I douse my mind in gasoline
Then light a match
I'm a machine
I can't feel a thing
Until the smoke clears
But you're still sitting here
And in the folds of my thoughts
You lie resting all day
I keep guessing all day
On why you went away
I may have left
But only for a minute
Then you left
I keep tryin to forget it
I went to Boston...
The leaves weer starting to turn
And your memory was starting to burn
A hole right through my sweater
But I'm getting better
I'll cut my leg and dive into the ocean
So the sharks can swallow me whole
I've digested mypain
And vowed to never feel the same
Way as I do now
How can I explain this to my mother?
My brother hates you too
But I can't open up to anyone but you
Where'd you go? Why'd you disappear?
I need you here
I can hear the chaos in my head
With all the things I never said
Now I'm left for dead
Because alone was the last place I wanted to be
If only you could see
My insides are starting to turn out
And you're still in my blood stream
Infecting my dreams
The seems to my heart
Are busting apart
What's left is my skeleton
So I hang myself in the closet
With past secrets and memories
Then I'll throw away the keys
You were the only one who knew me
The only one who cared
Now you have me second guessing
Everything taht we once shared
Ten years of my life
Don't mean shit anymore
Cause there's no more hope left
I'm hopeless
I quit wishing on the stars
And loose eye lashes
Cause as time passes
My half-empty glasses
Fall and crashes to the floor
I can try to glue them back together
They'll be more fragile than before
If only you cared a little bit more
Or cared any at all
I wouldn't have built such a fucking wall
To keep anyone from falling
In fatuation with me
Because that's all it really is
Love is an obsession
I've learned my lesson
What it is is lust
Cause there's no such thing as trust anymore
It's not ideal at all
It takes years to build up
But just seconds to fall
So fall in lust or fall in hate
Either way I'm not gonna wait
For fate to set a date
For them to bail
I always love them too late
Now it's getting so late
And I know you'll never read this
Cause my rearview mirror just met my fist
And I swore I'd never look back
I have a horrible knack
For fucking things up
I lack the motivation
So instead I hack away at my isolation
I stack the odds against me
I lost all my tact when I lost you
And packed my adolescence
Is this my lesson?
I think I'm destined to be alone
No therapy session can cure my depression
You were my best friend and my father
Swore you'd walk me down the aisle
So when you left so did my smile
I guess I slept cause I was in denial
I'd only give inches when you gave me miles
Should I have come home?
Would youhave stayed if I was there?
I was so scared
Now you're gone like a ghost into thin air
It's getting harder to breathe
I admit I was naive
But I never thought you would leave
That's always been my downfall
I just don't think at all
And now as I start to sink
And the rain is pouring down
All I see is your face
It's like a fucking race to see who can get to you first
Either me or society
It's been 10 months and still no word
I didn't knowit was so easy to leave behind an entire world
But I keep counting the seconds on the clocks
And as each minute passes
It looks like I've lost
The one man I would give my life for
You always wanted so much more
Than I could ever give
But I'd give you my hands if you couldn't feel
My ears so you could hear more clear
And my eyes for a new point of view
I fucking miss you
Like the tide misses the man on the moon
On the nights he just too tired to pull
I'd pull you back if I could
But I'm not that good
I don't have the power
To withstand through the very last hour
So I guess I quit