This Girl

This girl makes me wanna jump off swings and start flying

Makes me wanna turn back time to that first night when I was so quiet

Because she made me nervous...

And my hands still shake when I'm around her

This girl intrigues me

Always leaves me wanting more

Asking questions I may not want to know the answers to

But who

Can really resist?

And if it means I'm learning more

Than I'm all for it

Swore it'd never get this far

But I can't help it...

She's a breathe of fresh air,

But she's polluted my mind

Saying things that I've always wanted to hear,

Sending a shock through me with each and every touch..

I have hand prints seared on my body

'Cause she's burning her way through my skin,

To my heart...

Only Once In Your Life

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

You Can Never Tell

“You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, ‘Whats wrong?’ and they say ‘Nothing’. You accept this because it’s easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your anger and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. so when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, it’s ok to not be alright.”

Happiness is...

Happiness is...

-Kelly coming here in 3 days

-Getting packages from home

-Talking to my brother

-Getting my hip flexer healed

-No basketball on Wednesdays

-Sweatpants and sweatshirts

-The leaves turning (actual seasons)

-Getting practice gear for basketball

-Writing letters home and to friends

-Falling in love with Kelly over and over again

-The feeling you get right before you fall asleep

-The feeling right after you work out

-Waking up early on a cold, fall morning

-Waking up to texts from my baby

-My birthday being 5 days away

Perfect - Doriah Roberts

Let's take a picture now
I do not want to forget
The way you look at me when everything is perfect
A perfect memory of when things are so good
And everything has worked out just the way we knew it would

I bought a picture frame
I made room on the wall
I hold you close to my chest
Because I've made room in my heart
You ask me what I'm doing
I say displaying our love
I can see you when I'm awake and you're the one I'm dreaming of

I love the sun when it shines
I love the sky when it's blue
I love the color green
Because it reminds me of you
I've been thinking about you all night
A warm bed and a cozy fire
You put you arms around me and lift my head
And then you kiss me…

Insomnia

"This is how it is with insomnia. Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. The insomnia distance of everything, you can’t touch anything & nothing can touch you."
— Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

People

"People are always shouting they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke & insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past."

Life and Death

Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above.

-Gia

1-7

One of Those Days...

A Box to Fill Up

Once in this room, one afternoon
While rain water dripped at the window glass

And the room was deprived of daylight
I kept peering at the ceiling for no reason

Signs of you were in its every corner-
That small picture frame that kept your smile

Those piles of magazines you asked me
To buy regularly

That graffiti you wrote on the wall
With your lipstick

And the laptop full of logs
Of our chat when I was away

Today at 36 degrees Centigrade, I've got a box
I can't get myself to start filling up

-Resty Rivera

Insecurities

I get it at the worst of times
The feeling in the pit of my stomach
Where my insides feel like they're falling
Down a bottomless tunnel
And there's no end in sight.
I can feel a pain
Pulling from behind my eyes
Sucking in the color from my face,
The words in my mouth,
The saliva on my tongue,
And then my hands go numb.
I could sit there for hours
Just destroying my mind
With the fatal thouhts I create
And the stab-wound feeling that comes along with them.
I wish I were good at art.
To be able to get my heartache out through color,
To feel my emotions spill onto a blank canvas
Is something I never mastered,
But always respected
Cause when there is nothing left for me to say,
When words just don't add up,
I wish I could unlock the bottle inside me
Instead of laying wide awake at night
wishing on the shooting stars across my ceiling
For morning to come again soon
So I can start all over.
But I can never start all over.
My stomachnjs alwAys in knots
And my leg won't stop shaking
Cause I can't keep this nervousness inside
Cause when my head is pounding
And my heart is in my throat
That's when I need to leave my pain behind.
And I set all the clocks to read 11:11
Before I go to sleep every night
Just to wish one more time

I'm 5 Years Old Again

I'm five years old again

Sweet and innocent

Shy and considerate

I'm hiding behind my mother's leg

So no one can see me

And I still sleep with my closet shut,

But she scares my ghosts away.

Makes them swear to leave this town for good

And if they don't

They'll be sorry

Cause she is some kind of magic.

And I know I swore to never believe in magic

But this girl stitched my wings back together

And made my heart fly

Without saying a single word.

If that's not magic

I don't know what is...

Maybe I just believe in her

Cause this girl could melt my heart

In the middle of a snow storm.

She could tell me the world will flood at any moment

And the next day you'd see me with a snorkel on

And water wings

Cause all I want to do is believe her.

When I see her

My stomach grows butterflies

My knees go weak

And my hands start trembling

And I'm back in the third grade

Sitting next to Joey Perricone

When he slips me a note

Asking me to be his girlfriend.

My face burned red with elementary school passion

And I wrote "yes" so hard

I nearly broke his pencil.

She makes me wanna break my pencils.

She makes me wanna stick my head out the passenger seat window

While she's driving 50 miles per hour

With the wind slapping my face

Cause that's how my heart feels when I'm with her

Like it's beating too fast for my body

And it needs to be let out!

Is that okay?

Is it also okay to say I want her wearing my heart like a ring

Wrapping it around her body to take the shape of hers?

So when I go to bed at night

I wanna know she'll be there in the morning

Cause I don't wanna wake up without her.

Bright Eyes

The picture is far too big to look at kid.
Your eyes won’t open wide enough and you are constantly surrounded by that swirling stream of what is and what was.
Well, we’ve all made our predictions but the truth still isn’t out.
So if you want to see the future, go stare into a cloud.
And keep trying to find your way out of that maze of memories.
It all sort of looks familiar, until you get up close and then it’s different, clearly.
But each time you turn a corner, you’re right back where you were and your only hope is that forgetting might make a door appear.
Well is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak?
An avalanche of opinions like the one that fell that I’m now underneath.
It was my voice that moved the first rock, and I would do it all again.
So I mean, it’s cool if you keep quiet, but I like singing here.
So I’ll be holding my note and stomping and strumming and feeling, so very lucky.
And there is nothing I know except that this lifetime is just one moment and wishing will just leave me empty.
So you can try and live in darkness but you will never shake the light.
It will greet you every morning and make you more aware with its absence at night, when you are wrapped up in your blankets baby, that comfortable cocoon.
But I have seen the day of your awakening boy, and it’s coming soon.
So go ahead and loose yourself in liquor, and you can praise the clouded mind, but it isn’t what you’re thinking - no - it’s the course of history, your position in line.
You’re just a piece of the puzzle, so I think you’d better find your place.
And don’t go blaming your knowledge on some fruit you ate!
‘Cause there’s been a great deal of discussion, yes, about the properties of man.
Animal or angel?
You were carved from bone, but your heart it’s just sand, and the wind is gonna to scatter it and cover everything with love.
So if it makes you happy, then keep kneeling Mama, but I am standing up.
Because this veil it has been lifted, yes.
My eyes are wet with clarity.
I have been a witness to such wonders.
Oh, I’ve searched for them all across this country but I think I’ll be returning now to the town where I was born.
And I understand you must keep moving friend, but I am heading home.
I’m gonna follow the road, and let the scenery sweeping by easily enter my body.
Now I’ll send you all this message in code, under ground, over mountains, through forests, and deserts and cities.
All across the electric wire, it’s a baited line.
The hook is in deep boys, there is no more time.
So you can struggle in the water and be too stubborn to die, or you could just let go and be lifted to the sky.

— Bright Eyes

My Same -- Adele

You said I'm stubborn and I never give in
I think you're stubborn 'cept you're always softening
You say I'm selfish, I agree with you on that
I think you're giving out in way too much in fact

I say we've only known each other one year
You say I've known you longer my dear
You like to be so close, I like to be alone
I like to sit on chairs and you prefer the floor
Walking with each other, think we'll never match at all, but we do
But we do, but we do, but we do

I thought I knew myself, somehow you know me more
I've never known this, never before
You're the first to make out whenever we are two
I don't know who I'd be if I didn't know you

You're so provocative, I'm so conservative
You're so adventurous, I'm so very cautious, combining
You think we would and we do, but we do, but we do, but we do

Favouritism ain't my thing but,
In this situation I'll be glad...

Favouritism ain't my thing but,in this situation I'll be glad to make an exception

You said I'm stubborn and I never give in
I think you're stubborn 'cept you're always softening
You say I'm selfish, I agree with you on that
I think you're giving out in way too much in fact

I say we've only known each other one year
You say I've known you longer my dear
You like to be so close, I like to be alone
I like to sit on chairs and you prefer the floor
Walking with each other, think we'll never match at all, but we do

Country Music

The most wretched people in the world are those who tell you they like every kind of music “except country.” People who say this are boorish and pretentious at the same time. All it means is that they’ve managed to figure out the most rudimentary rule of pop sociology; they know that hipsters gauge the coolness of others by their espoused taste in sound, and they know that hipsters hate modern country music. And they hate it because it speaks to normal people in a tangible, rational manner. Hipsters hate it because they hate Midwesterners, and they hate Southerners, and they hate people with real jobs.
-Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs

She's Gorgeous

She's gorgeous.
In the way that when you walk by her,
You stare.
I stared.
I could see her blue eyes from across the gym
And they froze me.
But she melted my heart.
Melted it down
Til colors came streaming from my pores
Cause she paints me up to be
The most beautiful version of "self"
I have ever been
Or could ever imagine being.
She's different.
Not in the cliche "I've never felt this way for anyone before"
Type of different.
Cause I have.
But the in the way where
I want to feel her skin go on for miles
Where her hair like vines wrap around my body
And one look at her smile can make me never want to leave.
Cause she's way too good for me.
And I'm so lame.
Like the times when she knows just what to say,
And I still stumble on my words.
And she calls me to tell me she's safe,
While I'm speeding down the road.
But I want to give her everything.
Cause I can't write
But she's got me jotting down these lines
Like a fucking author.
...I got her.

Photograph (Live) - Andrea Gibson

10 Rules For Being Human

1.You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2.You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3.There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4.Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6.“There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7.Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8.What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10.You will forget all this.

Graphic Poetry

You pretend
you’re sorry.
& I pretend
words can mend.

But you’re not
& they don’t
& I
never cared
much
for make believe.

So we look away
& talk
about
the
weather
& pretend
we’re still strong.

"
— graphicpoetry

The Color Orange

I never thought the color orange

Mixed well with purple

Until I saw the sky on the night you died

From that day on I vowed

To never follow the rules of logic

To know that all questions

Don't always have answers

Not everything matches up

How one plans

The sands of time

Fall faster everyday

And who's to say

I can't draw my own conclusions?

This illusion called Life

Is just confusion and hype

And I'm tired of missing you...

SIfting through memories

I don't want to forget

Regret fills my head

And what's the last thing you said?

"Don't hesitate to call,

Let me know how you're doing."

Gluing the past to a string

Assuming you'd be there in the spring!

But I haven't deleted your phone number...

I'm still waiting on your call

Hating myself for creating this wall

And I'm counting on you to pull through

Give me something to hold on to

Cause I'm not letting go yet...

Letter #3

Dear Darrell,

I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Well, I always think about you... But more often recently. I miss you. Just a few weeks ago I went to Wagner to play Sunday basketball and I saw Dustin and Trish =] DJ has been really busy with Acalanes so he couldn't come. I missed them. I really feel like they're part of my family, no matter how long we go without seeing each other. I'm coaching Orinda Magic this year! Remember when you told me after I graduate I could help you coach? Well here I am, I would never leave you guys! I'm coaching with Katie B!
We played Stockton last Monday, and got killed by 40! I played better my sophomore year than I did last week... That should show you how basketball has been going for me since you left. Friday is my senior night and I don't even want to play. It's not right that you're not going to be there with me. We had a plan, Darrell! We had a plan with no back up because this wasn't supposed to happen! I need you here!
My mom's getting married this summer. She's gotten a lot better and we're getting closer. Thank you so much for being there for me when everything happened my sophomore year. I don't know what I would have done with out you and your family. You're always going to be my home away from home.
I hope where ever you are, you're happy. Don't worry bout us down here, we're all making it. SOme days are a lot harder than others, but we learn to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. You would make us run if we even thought about giving up =]
I miss you, D. Rest In Paradise,
-Lauren

This Girl Makes Me Feel Like Putty

I wrote this in May of 2009 and I JUST found it so I wanted to post it =] I think it's one of my better poems. Here it goes...


This girl makes me feel like putty
Like playdough in the hands of a third grader
Like "someone please tell me why I'm acting this way"
But it's okay.
Go ahead.
She can shift me,
Split me,
Tear me up and mold me in two
'Cause I'd rather spend my time morphing into forms only she can create
Instead of cloning myself like the rest.
Our society is in denial.
We've barely gone an inch when we need to move miles
Dial up God and tell him we're vile
'Cause the people our kids are looking up to
Are the same ones our parents told us never to become.
So break me in pieces and throw me in the ocean
So I can change with the tide
And when the moon pulls I want you to push
Because you're the only one who can save me.
Bathe me in your tears so I can grow as a part of you
And apart from them.
Melt me with your breathe on my neck like the sun does,
Like time does,
Like your heartbeat singing me to sleep on the nights the sheep just won't do
And the stars are too tired to shine.
Cover me in the blankets of your body
And sheild me from this world,
Cause girl,
I'm too small to be heard
And too weak to be on my own
But you build me up and hold my hands
And I'm looking both ways before crossing the street.
I swear the concrete cracks beneath my feet every time I take a step forward
But I'm not slowing down,
This town can't cage me in because the faster I move
The faster I get to you and the faster I get to you
The stronger I feel.
Seal up the body bag that holds in my ghost
And the skeletons I kept in the corner of my closet have gone away
As if to say they approve and can move onto the grave.
I come in every color so you'll never get bored.
And you can mix me together like a painter
And I'll paint you a sunrise
'Cause everyone knows that when the sun sets it's forced to say goodbye
And 'm not setting on you so don't say goodbye yet.
In the morning I'll rise with the sun
And cover your face with yellow warmth
And I promise you won't get burned...

A Moment

To be at a moment of creating is to experience a moment of creation,

To think of a good creation one must have had many a moment,

To think just for a moment that I could create myself, my moment,

Or to think we are only here for a moment,

To use that moment to think a moment to create many a moment,

To take a moment to have the best moment,

Yes, it could be that moment that propels us to the next...

Always Learn Poems By Heart

"‘Always learn poems by heart,’ she said. ‘They have to become the marrow in your bones. Like fluoride in the water, they’ll make your soul impervious to the world’s soft decay.’"
— Janet Fitch


"Fate is like a strange unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like."
— Lemony Snicket


“The pattern still remains on the wall where darkness fell,
& it’s fitting that it should, for in darkness I must dwell.
Like the color of my skin, or the day that I grow old,
my life is made of patterns that can scarcely be controlled.”
-Simon & Garfunkel


"I wake up, it’s a bad dream, no one on my side.
I was fighting, but I just feel too tired to be fighting,
guess I’m not the fighting kind."


"Tell everybody waiting for Superman
that they should try to hold on the best they can.
He hasn’t dropped them, forgot them or anything,
it’s just too heavy for Superman to lift."

I Don't Talk That Much

I don't talk that much. I like to keep to myself. Not for the fear of what I say will come out wrong, but I'm scared of it coming out right. I've taught myself how to play off my stutter so I don't trip and fall, but I don't know how to stand up straight and walk in heels. Assuming something wrong will come out of my mouth leaves me staring at the ground. It's harder to slip that way. My english teacher once told me not to say everything I think. I think about you. But by the time I figure out how to say your name so it comes out the way I want it to, it'll be too late. I'm never prepared. By the year 2016 I'll be ready for the 2012 ending of the world. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in a lot of things. But I want to. I once loved a girl who had faith in everything she did. I always admired that. She would say "I'll believe in you if you believe in me" and I did. I believed so much in her that if I threw her like a penny into a wishing well I knew she would come true. So come true. Be the words that sound so right even I couldn't make them wrong. Cause I'm tired of writing you down. Don't let me down. Sometimes my words fail me but this is coming out right.

If You Pick Me A Flower

"If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair.

I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them.

I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts.

We’ll make history together.

I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it.

I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms.

When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up.

I find you magically delicious.

I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter.

I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me.

I’ll hold your coffee while you drive.

I can build a fire without burning the house down.

If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you.

I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down.

I can change a flat tire and my own oil.

It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most.

I love it when you sing to me.

I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes.

Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together.

I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv.

I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas.

I’ll grant you three wishes.

I’ll make you laugh.

I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack.

I will marvel at your strength.

I’ll take care of you when you’re sick.

I give a kick ass massage.

I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard.

My heart will skip every time you walk through the door.

My kisses will take your breath away – seriously.

I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed.

My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours.

I’ll hold you when you need it.

I will give you space when you need it.

I will let you be you.

You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you.

I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me.

I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends.

I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss.

We can watch your movie first.

I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by.

I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close.

I don’t litter.

I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap.

I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed.

I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour.

I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning.

I can balance a checkbook.

I can never turn down a challenge.

I’ll fit perfectly in your arms.

I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason.

Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time.

I can totally keep a secret.

I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh.

You will always look hot to me in the morning.

I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate.

When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet.

I’ll call when I say I will.

To clarify: I’m not looking for a savior, a fix-up project, or anything of that sort.

I’m looking for a girl who quite simply adds something extraordinary and special to my life.

And I to her.

A fair exchange, an amazing mind, body and soul connection and a place to build something magnificent."

Sometimes Things Are Hard To Write

Happiness is...

Happiness is...

+Finals being over
+Getting into college
+Sweats
+New music
+Learning to LET GO...
+High socks
+Earl Grey tea
+Game shows
+Scattegories
+Sarcasm
+Moving on after 8 months
+Clean laundry
+The Tyra Show
+Funny postcards
+Blue eyes


The Bad Stuff...

+Getting sick
+Making mistakes
+Making mistakes that hurt you AND somebody you care about
+Losing someone
+Losing muscle
+No food in the house
+The economy today

Most Of The Time -- Bob Dylan

Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time.

Most of the time
It's well understood,
Most of the time
I wouldn't change it if I could,
I can't make it all match up, I can hold my own,
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone,
I can survive, I can endure
And I don't even think about her
Most of the time.

Most of the time
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine
Most of the time.

Most of the time
She ain't even in my mind,
I wouldn't know her if I saw her
She's that far behind.
Most of the time
I can't even be sure
If she was ever with me
Or if I was with her.

Most of the time
I'm halfway content,
Most of the time
I know exactly where I went,
I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide,
Hide from the feelings, that are buried inside,
I don't compromised and I don't pretend,
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time.