Every time I looked at her, I wanted to be with her forever

She's home for the weekend and I can't sit still thnking of the times where we were such fools we never followed the rules but her eyes were like jewels frozen in silence screaming my name but it wasnt just a game my heart would aim for hers to stake a claim that she was mine. And I was hers. But all I have left is this frame holding the picture I've memorized. In a world filled with hate she took me in and she'd relate I remember when we would lift weights. She told me to create my perfect soul mate and I knew I had to leave it up to fate but she told me she'd wait. She told me when it was right she'd be by my side until then I'd love her from the inside but my hands were tied. She couldn't decide what she wanted I couldn't provide what she needed but I tried. She looks good. Great. And I stood there biting my tongue from saying everything I've sung in my head since I was young and in love. With her. Her eyes are still my favorite shade her lines still seem cliched but thats how she conveyed her true insides. I think of her form time to time and wonder what would have happened. What would've happened if they didn't find out? What would've happened if we threw away our doubt and lived in water in a world with drought? She was special. The one who taught me the basics of life. She was the one who helped me throw away the knife. She would pick me up in away time of strife and we'd drive to our spot holding hands in our world. I wonder if she thinks about me. About what happened. I wonder if she knows I chose her that when she smiles she still glows and when the wind blows I remember the highs and the lows but this feeling I can't expose because it's wrong. It's been a year and some months I can't just appear and volunteer my thoughts she'd think them insincere and wouldn't hear what I'm saying I won't be clear so I'll steer away from here and I won't cry a single tear. It's been a year. And some months. But I can't pull away. She draws me in and I sink faster it's a disaster. I see her now and then and I'm afraid that's how it'll end.