spill it out on paper

So my friend told me to write down how I feel. "Spill it out on paper", is how she worded it actually. How I feel. How do I feel?


I feel that if I fall for her I'm gonna get hurt
that if I even admit to liking her ill think I have a chance
I feel that if I were staring her right in her big brown eyes, spelling it out for her,
she'd walk away
So how do I feel? Not emotionally. Not mentally.
But literally.
How do I feel? How do I open my chest and fix whatever needs to be fixed
and love someone?
I told myself it wouldn't happen again
that my heart no longer deserves what I put it through
So why now?
Why now do I lose myself to some girl
Some girl
I was fine living my stupid life with my stupid blogs playing stupid basketball
when some stupid girl changes my mind
I get butterflies when I see her
and thats not okay
I make excuses to try and talk to her
and thats not supposed to happen
I feel that I'm just another person waiting in line
to get her attention
and the line gets longer
and it gets crowded
I'm no good in crowds; they make me uncomfortable
and i'm uncomfortable in this long line
that gets longer
and more crowded
but I stay.
patiently waiting for her approval
and it may never come
but i've got time, right?
time to waste on another girl
different girl, same ending.
prove me wrong