What happens when the person who went through it all with you, felt all the pain with you, grew with you...Doesn't care anymore? When they'd rather ignore you and treat you like you didn't exist...It hurts. I'm not gonna lie, it kills.
After everything you went through and having a relationship so passionate it's hard to be just friends. It's sad that you can't figure out how to make it work but it's understandable. It's funny though, when you look back at the little notes you had or the poems or the drawings and you see, "No matter what happens to us, I'll always be there for you", you have to laugh. Cause it's a lie. If they really meant it they wouldn't be treating you like this. They wouldn't write you off and pretend you weren't there.
Being there is when you don't care if they're with someone else as long as they're happy. You would sacrifice not being in their life if it meant they were better off that way. You would talk to them if they were upset, or just listen. You would check up on them just to make sure they're smiling.
That's what I do.
I don't care who she's dating, honest--as long as it keeps her happy. I have sacrificed being in her life because I know it makes it a whole lot easier on her and her situation. If I find out somehow that she's mad or not doin well.... I find a way to make sure she's okay. Just because I'm her friend. I don't want anything more than that. I don't. I wanna be the one she comes home to and tells all her stupid or crazy or scary or funny stories to! The one she calls when she can't sleep or the one she thinks about when she hears one of our crazy songs.
She doesn't understand this. We spent almost a year together and she doesn't care. She doesn't care if we're friends, if I'm doing okay, if I miss her. And that's what hurts the most. Knowing I care for someone and would do anything for her while she doesn't even see that. Maybe she does. Maybe she just doesn't want to be bothered with all that. Which she hasn't been. I haven't called or text her since my birthday, I think. Because if she wanted to talk to me, she would.
So hopefully, somehow she'll read this blog and realize what I'm trying to say. She might get scared away because she'll take it the wrong way.. But it's a risk I'm willing to take. What do I have to lose, right? I want her to know that I'm still here. That I miss her and I miss hanging out. I've gotten over the bullshit and the drama and the hurt and I want to be friends. This is the only way I know how to show it...
1 comment:
You're really excited that you used to use the colors now, aren't you?
& my backround on my iPod used to be that part of that picture with the rainbow.
& I liked the writing too. Lol.
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